I have to mentally stop packing up my belongings. My desire to relocate my life at times overwhelms me and looking around I again find myself dissatisfied with how slowly this new life is progressing. Once again, I am back at the beginning. Having accomplished the “finishing of school” my head is all wrapped up in what’s coming next. The ink isn’t even dry on the diploma that has yet to arrive in the mail, and I find myself disappointed that the very first interview I had since finishing school (and that was not even for a job I really wanted) did not pan out. All because my head already had me moving.
This is where over planning your life is a burden and has been something that until just recently, I’ve been able to keep in check. I have boxes that I’ve never unpacked since moving here, knowing that this was a temporary home for me. I have boxes that I have recently packed….filled with belongings that are non-essential in my life right now, and yet will be needed in my new home. But, I continue to want to pack it all. To clean out, throw away, wrap, pack and store. I look at everything around me and think, “Hmm…do I need that? Can I pack it in a box for moving day?”
I’ve been buying “stuff” for my kitchen…. and packing it. Wrapped in paper in new boxes are the tea kettle from my son, a vegetable peeler and garlic press, the stainless steel measuring cups and spoons from Williams- Sonoma that were a gift from my daughter this Christmas… a colander, some wooden spoons and other items that I know I will need, especially if I decide to do some cooking.
And how about furniture? I don’t really have any that I can pack. I don’t really have any, period. Instead I cruise the Internet and the many catalogs that I get, looking for items like dining/kitchen tables, not knowing if I’ll even have room for a table! I found one that I completely covet and am so tempted to buy. To buy and keep in a box, or however it arrives, for moving day. For a time I though that was a crazy idea. I have however decided to go with my very good friend Susan’s theory that you have to visualize where you’re going. The “if you buy it, it will happen” theory of living life. One of the problems I have is that I can visualize this apartment that I don’t have, right down to the color of the paint on the walls. Which is why I… so….long…. to pack.
Intellectually I know all the things that I want, will arrive. It’s waiting for that time to come that I struggle with. And here I am, back at the beginning and finding that once again, it’s all about patience…which in my case, is not a virtue.
It always amazes me how writing about things that I struggle with helps me to see them more clearly. Maybe now I can stop wallowing and just get on with the task of cruising the job sites, looking for the position that has my name written all over it….. and stop perseverating on packing boxes