My Bedroom Window

The window in my bedroom, the only room that is really mine in this house that I live in, is of medium size as normal windows go. It faces the south, so most of the day the sun shines through it. It’s nice to have the sun shinning in my room during the day in the winter. I think it’s nice to have the sun shinning anywhere in the winter

This is an attic bedroom, so the window actually goes almost from the floor, to not far from the top of the ceiling, as it becomes the eave of the roof. It was built into a wall that comes to a point at the top and in which it is perfectly positioned. Because of the size of the window and how it’s situated... directly across from my bed, there is a white mini blind that covers it; closed at night, open during the day. There is also a lovely curtain, of the valance variety, hanging on a curtain rod from the top of it. It’s made of a sheer white material that is sort of a V shape, the lowest point of the V hanging just in the center of the window. A trim of clear beads about two inches long each, hang down from the edge and sparkle as the sun touches them. Seeing the sun glint off the edge of this curtain is my favorite part of living in this bedroom.

Hanging down from the left hand side of the window, in a long vertical line from the curtain rod, is a string of shells tied together on fishing line. I strung these shells together years and years ago on a day spent at a friend’s beach house. For maybe 20 years this sting of shells hung from my kitchen curtain rod in the house I use to live in. Now they hang from my bedroom curtain rod and will hopefully hang from yet another one, in another place, at some other time in my future. I love this string of sea shells. They remind me of the summer, of the beach and the ocean, and how wonderful it is to sit by it, close your eyes and listen to the surf as it rolls onto shore and to smell the scent of the ocean salt in the air.

Also hanging from this curtain rod is floral swag of green leaves and a few large, very really looking, white roses. I hate those tacky plastic floral pieces… The flowers start out hanging down from the left side of the window, along the edge of the frame and are hooked to the top left hand side of the curtain rod with a Christmas ornament hanger. They then follow the direction of the curtain with the lowest point midway between the bottom of the curtain and the rod, the other side hooked in the same manner along the right side of the window frame. Twined through the flowers is a small set of white lights that I light when I feel happy, or sad, or just for no reason at all. Sometimes I light them just because I like them and they make me feel good, and because I really do like things that sparkle.

A pretty wreath of pink, blue and white hydrangeas with green leaves, hangs between the top of the window frame, and the top of the wall, which is actually one of the many ceiling peaks in this attic room. It’s a good thing that I’m not overly tall for a woman, as I do tend to occasionally (when not paying attention) bump my head on one or two of the funky ceiling peaks.

I have managed to fix one window in my life exactly the way I want it to be. It’s calming to look at and is really not overly *girly*, despite my description of white lights, beads and flowers. Sitting in my bed and looking at this lovely window, in the middle of the Robin’s Egg Blue wall, makes me feel encouraged. I do however, often wonder where the other windows in my life will be located though, but figure I’ll find them eventually.

Now if I had a digital camera, I would take a picture of this one window and post it with this piece of writing. But I don’t, so hopefully I have described it in enough detail that those of you who read this might actually be able to see it as I do….

Those damn doors again.....

Once again, I have come across words of wisdom on the Internet. I wish I could remember where I found these though.....

"Don't spend so much time looking behind you at the closed door, that you don't see the ones that are opening in front of you."

I'm not looking at the closed door. Yet, I do still have trouble seeing the opening ones...I know they're there, I can sort of feel them....I just can't see them yet. That would be because I'm still making my way through the hallway in between....I still dislike this hallway, but at least I'm not hating it anymore.

"Ever The Same"

This song speaks to me. I want to have this one day. Do you think it’s asking too much?

"Ever The Same"
By Rob Thomas

We were drawn from the weeds
We were brave like soldiers
Falling down under the pale moonlight
You were holding to me
Like a someone broken
And I couldn't tell you but I'm telling you now
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you forever in me
Ever the same

We would stand in the wind
We were free like water
Flowing down
Under the warmth of the sun
Now it's cold and we're scared
And we've both been shaken
Hey, look at usMan, this doesn't need to be the end
Just let me hold you while you're falling apart
Just let me hold you and we'll both fall down

Fall on me tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on me
I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same

You may need me there
To carry all your weight
But you're no burden
I assure
You tide me over
With a warmth I'll not forget
But I can only give you love

Fall on me
Tell me everything you want me to be
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same

Call on meI'll be there for you and you'll be there for me
Forever it's you
Forever in me
Ever the same
Forever with you
Forever in me
Ever the same(Ever the same)

Nope. I don't think this is asking too much and this is what I'm going to aim to have. After all, my dreams are really big, but hopefully not unrealistic. (I do wish I could write like this though...)

Passion, Newsletters and Taking Risks

I’ve never considered myself a big risk taker. With that said though, I guess my whole entire life at this moment, and for well over the past year has been one big gamble.

I’m big on getting self-help info. AOL sends me a newsletter on all kinds of motivational stuff. Today’s was about taking risks in order to find things you’re passionate about. For the first time in years, I feel passionate about my life, maybe too passionate, which I think is what causes me no small amount of stress on certain occasions. Unfortunately, I don’t feel the same passion in my work. I love what I do; it’s valuable and makes a difference in people’s lives. Sadly, working in the not-for-profit world does not bode well for being able to afford a place to live. I love the people and place that I work, but it’s not creative enough for me and it’s no longer in the sort of environment that I crave…..

Here are some of the things that I learned from the AOL article:

Passion is “what’s important to your soul.”

“You have to feel your way to finding your passion.” In other words, it’s not good to over think it. (Very hard for those of us who have made *over thinking* into a championship sport.)

“Focus on the things that you fantasize about doing.” (I’m pretty focused; I just wish I knew how I was going to do them. Where is that darn Crystal Ball when you need it??)

“At some point you want to stop dreaming about it, and give it a shot.” (OK….I can do that.)

“Take a step forward. Recognize that you only need to take a tiny step.” (This is hard for me….I want to take the steps in leaps and bounds…all the while, being scared to death.)

When I got to work today I found that someone had installed Microsoft Publisher on my computer. A few days ago, the Director of Program Operations asked me if I might like to take over the agency newsletter. My freelance writing for The Advance, the rebuttal letter I wrote to the Riverhead News Review, who wrote a story about group homes for the developmentally disabled and had a nasty quote in it from some nasty man about group homes (opps….this is becoming a rant), and my article for the agency newsletter about Service Coordination (take a breath), he thinks somehow qualify me to put together a newsletter. You all know how not good I am with technology and figuring out this kind of stuff, right? Along with this deal, I would also be able to let go of half my caseload too, which at his point is really kind of appealing to me. But, like anything else where I work, things take time, some times lots of time to actually happen. Sooo, imagine my surprise at finding Publisher in my computer this morning!

Even though I’ll be terrified about publishing the newsletter, I’m going to do it. Hopefully, the current newsletter person will be available to provide technical assistance. (At the moment, I don’t think I’m on his good side….I didn’t let him take my picture to go along with the newsletter article I recently wrote.) When campaign season is over in the Village of Patchogue, maybe I’ll go and apply for some part time, minimum wage job at the local library in order to see what it would be like to work in one, a library that is. That might be the first step on my way up all the others. The steps I’m dreaming about are located on 5th Ave in NYC and have two very large lions sitting at either side of them, or they might possibly be the steps up to the entrance of The Metropolitan Museum of Art, as a museum archivist….who knows? I’ll never know unless I take the first one……but right now, I’m going to take a nap. This is going to be a very long climb.